reflect

by

It’s a little late, and my brain should be shutting down right now. However, I’m going to write. Just a little, but I’m going to write.

I’ve had false starts before, and this is likely a false start as well. Another blog to be added to an online blogging battlefield strewn with carcasses of past blogs, all fallen by the wayside, content I’ve been unable to collect over 20 years of blogspots, dead/livejournals, and wordpresses, likely content that I’d rather not read over for a few reasons. Pride in my work is one. Re-assessing personal growth is another.

I semi-jokingly refer to myself as a failed writer when discussing my career/past with new friends and acquaintances. I went to school for journalism, less through a planned design and more through a series of accidents. It’s an ethical type of work that one can morally center their self in, not to mention the creativity and challenges it presents.

But I don’t think my consistency (quality, self-editing, etc.) was where it needed to be, nor my doggedness in terms of hunting down sources, I think. Perhaps with a few more years of freelancing I could’ve gotten to where I needed to be, but American healthcare wasn’t agreeable to that timeframe.

So I washed out, or perhaps found my way. But I want to write more, I need to write more. Need to beat the distractions.

I’m not even talking about those distractions that’re buzzing around your enviornment. I’m talking about this odd little anxiety-driven perfecitonist in me, trying to get the perfect name, the perfect theme, clean alignment, etc.; and then when I post, like the first post seen on here, just putting deep effort into researching sourcing, etc., so that the work suddenly becomes unamanagable when it’s not your work.

I’ve written this much in less than 10-minutes. The quality probably reflects that, but the content is there and what I need right now is to get something , pretty much literally anything, out of my mind and onto this digital canvas…. and then get my ass to bed.

And that’s what I’m going to do now.

Mission accomplished.